Monster
by Grave Bells
Summary: Cooro awakens one night wishing he had decided to chase his mother that day in Lilt. But, he soon realizes that the reason he didn't is still the reason why he wouldn't. POST-SERIES. CooroHusky.


A/N: I was in a mood. I've always wondered why people never consider how much darkness is in Cooro's person, despite how outwardly happy he is. It's like no one notices it.

I see Cooro and Husky as around 14 and 15 in this.

Anyway, this wasn't beta'd, so sorry for any mistakes. Lol. Enjoy.

**SPOILERS FOR VOLUME 10 AHEAD.**

* * *

_**Monster**_

_**

* * *

**_

_Tiny hands reached up into a blanket of feathers and talons and beaks; grasping for something. _

_Where are you going?_

_Love me!_

_The crows were screaming this terrible, ear-splitting noise. At first they were trying to hold the hands back – pecking and ripping and clawing – but it didn't take long for them to part aside and let them through._

_ He could see her flying away, giving him a sad wave as she was pulled into the sky by some stray colly birds._

_ Don't go! Don't leave me here! _

_Don't you love me?_

_Please don't go!_

_He could see the tears rolling down her cheeks, but he couldn't understand them. She spoke something to the collies carting her away, and the collies turned to the crows to release blood-curdling screams. In a burst of energy and fear, pain practically ripping his back in half, he gave chase._

_You promised you'd be here for me!_

_

* * *

_

_A plump, aging woman peered down at him in distaste, yelling in rage about something he did-_

_Monster!_

_He blinked back the tears, trying to tune out the lash of the words spewing from the religious woman's lips about his wings._

_Devil child!_

_Hot pain surged through him as his hands were assaulted by a wooden dowel. He wept openly, swearing to the woman that he'd never fly again, never ever. He was God's child!_

_The woman shrieked about how giving in to the temptation of his 'Satan-gifted' wings made him unholy and unclean as she continued to strike his knuckles._

_Repent! Repent for your sins!_

_He was nearly screaming in agony now, despite being told to stop crying and accept the punishment, and could barely find the control to speak. He was only a child; he didn't understand how he could be God's child but still have the wings of Satan._

_Wasn't everyone made in God's image?_

_

* * *

_

_He'd learned how to hold back the tears by now._

_He couldn't see more than the surface of the wooden table he was bent over, but he could still hear the shrieks of the woman behind him as she slammed a thick wooden paddle against his exposed buttocks._

_Repent, you unholy monster!_

_He worried his lower lip between his teeth, choking back sobs. He got special attention from the other nuns, but that didn't mean he was special like they said. He knew he was watched and pampered because they thought he would give in to his 'satanic desires'. But that meant that when he screwed up, he got horrible punishments._

_He couldn't figure out why giving James a peck on the lips was a bad thing, though; he'd always been taught to show affection for the people you cared about. And he _really_ cared about James._

_Monster! Satan worshipper!_

_He could taste the blood on his lips now. He hadn't even realized when he bit through the skin._

_Why did she leave me with these people?_

_Why didn't she love me?_

_He swore right there he would never judge someone by what they wanted._

_

* * *

_

_The door shut._

_He could only stare at the wood, finding himself less surprised of their departure than he'd originally thought._

_Husky didn't even look back._

_He felt his energy seep out his feet. Why did he ever think things would work out? Nothing worked out._

_He didn't even look up when the man to his right squeezed his shoulder and inquired whether he'd like to leave._

_Why? They left him of their own accord. They didn't want him either._

_With the energy he had left, he disagreed. The promise was the excuse to stay with someone who wanted some part of him._

_As he followed the man back off the roof, he briefly wondered how he could believe something good could happen to him while he had his anima and his emotional attachments to others._

_That's why she never came back to him._

_

* * *

_

_Crows swarmed in his half-blind sight._

_All he could see was blood. There was skin, too, and an open corpse was laid at his feet._

_Everything was feeding._

_He looked up at the sky. There was this beckoning in his heart where his mother's love should have been._

_The blood was clotting and thickening around the woman at his feet._

_The devil had given him wings, and now he knew they were there to reach his mother._

_Death was the only way to feel loved._

_He needed to kill himself._

_The crow's wings would take him into his sweet surrender; into the arms of the woman awaiting his soul._

_There was nothing left._

_

* * *

_

"Cooro! Cooro!"

The crow +anima all but threw his blankets off his body as he flew into a sitting position on the mattress. His head was still spinning from his dreams and his chest was heaving with adrenaline and emotion. Blinking and shivering, he had to glance around at his surroundings to remember where he was.

A room.

That's right; they'd stopped at an inn for the night.

Cooro slumped over in his place, a harsh depression of sorts flowing down from his psyche. Pressing a hand to his forehead, he let out a shaky, distressed sigh. He could already feel his eyes prickling with tears.

"Are you okay?"

The brunette nearly crapped his pants in surprise. He whirled to the side, finding a rather worried looking Husky kneeling by his bedside. Suddenly panicking that someone else was awake, he wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and plastered a smile to his lips.

"Yeah. Sorry if I woke you. I'm fine though, just some strange dreams," Cooro responded quietly, making his words as steady as he could. He tilted his head to the side and forced the smile wider. "Don't worry about it."

Husky's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Cooro," the fish said simply, his lips curling to a frown. "I've been watching you toss and turn for 15 minutes. Don't play that fake happiness game with me."

The crow's face fell, and he couldn't find the strength to look his best friend in the face. He stared down at where his hands sat in his lap. Husky studied him a moment, then sighed gently. He carefully crawled up onto the bed, trying not to startle the clearly upset teen already perched under the sheets. He sat back on his knees in front of Cooro before reaching over and taking the other boy's chin in his fingers.

"Hey… What's wrong?" the fish asked in nothing more than a whisper, pushing Cooro's face up to look at his features easier. He blinked.

Cooro forced another smile. "I'm fine, really," he tried to reassure, but the crack in his voice betrayed his emotional state.

Husky quirked his brows. "Cooro…" he cooed, releasing the boy's face. "You promised to talk to us."

It took the brunette a few moments, but he finally began to break down his walls. He hiccupped quietly, burying his face into his rough palms. His whole body shuddered violently once before settling into a routine of little tremors every few moments.

Cooro was ashamed of himself.

He hated openly crying in front of anyone, even Husky. Sadness was such a dirty emotion; it only made everyone around you upset, and usually made the situation worse. And to him, what he was crying over made it even more shameful. He knew he'd never see his mother. She was dead, and he was never going to be able to bring her back. But he just wanted to see her, ask her his questions, be held in her arms… Everything his friends had known in a parent. He knew he'd never have it here, so why is it still upsetting him so much?

"Cooro…?" Husky practically breathed the name, brushing at some of his friend's bangs in an awkwardly comforting motion.

"I just…. I k-keep thinking…" Cooro finally spoke, his muffled voice shaky and crackling with the tears that were surely pouring from his eyes. "About my mom…"

The fish blinked a bit, slouching a little to try and see the crow's face a little better. He ran his fingers through the other boy's hair and trailed them down his back to rub little circles into his muscles. He remained quiet, urging Cooro to continue.

Cooro pulled his face from his hands and glanced up at Husky through bleary, leaking eyes, shame and regret adorning his sullen features. "I keep thinking…. Maybe…" he wiped his cheeks on his sleeve in a vain attempt to get them dry and sniffed loudly before looking back down at his lap. "Maybe I should have... gone after her."

Husky felt a rush of panic surge through his veins.

"I wanna see her so bad I.. I don't know what to do anymore, Husky.. I…" Cooro continued before the fish could verbally respond, his hands once again finding his eyes. "I just know I'd be able to meet her… But I…"

Before he really registered what he was doing, Husky wrapped his arms around the other teen's back and yanked him forward into his chest. He buried his face into Cooro's hair, the utter terror in his heart causing his own limbs to shake lightly. His fingers fisted up the material of the boy's sleepwear, and he swore he wouldn't let go.

Cooro could only blink, the rush of tears beginning to slow at the sudden show of affection. "Husky…?"

"You can't do it, Cooro," Husky snapped, urgency and fear lacing every word he said. All he could see was that horrible moment back in Lilt… And he never wanted to fear for his best friend's life like that every again. "You can't leave us; you can get through this, okay?" The silver-haired teen was practically white-knuckled now.

The crow just leaned against his chest, sort of confused and touched at the same time. "I don't… I don't know, Husky…"

Next thing he knew, he had been slapped in the face and shoved down on his back; Husky loomed over him with his shirt fisted up in his thin fingers and an expression like a threatened dog.

Husky wasn't quite sure this was the right way to go about this, but all he knew was how to get angry for the things he wanted.

"Cooro, you can't just kill yourself!" he practically snarled, trying to stay quiet enough to not alert Nana and Senri in the next room over. "You can't just decide you'd rather be dead than never see your mother! You're being so irrational!"

"You don't know what it's like!"

Husky started a bit; Cooro had never yelled at him before.

Tears began to fall from the brunettes eyes at full speed again; he was so confused. "You have parents who love you! You don't know what it's like!" he continued, sobbing through the outburst. Calming only slightly, he looked away from Husky's face to wipe what he could of his own visage on his shoulder. "The Mother Superior would call me an Unholy Monster every time I screwed up… I've never had someone love me unconditionally like my mother was supposed to. I need someone to love me, Husky… But she's the only one who would."

Husky stared down into the other male's upset face, blinking as he let everything sink in.

This wasn't actually about Cooro's mother at all.

He released the shirt wrapped in his fingers, and let a small smile come to his lips. In an uncharacteristically tender movement, he reached over and began to wipe at the other boy's eyes with his thumbs.

"But… you _do_ have someone who loves you unconditionally, Cooro," He purred, brushing at his hair again. "In fact, you have 3 of them."

Husky smiled wider when he saw that his words were helping his friend calm down. "How do you think Nana and Senri would feel if you off'd yourself, hm? You remember how they were after your attempt back in Lilt. And me, well…" his tone turned into something more nonchalant, and he gave the crow +anima a few harsh pats on the cheek. "I'd haunt your ghost forever, and you'd never hear the end of it."

Cooro couldn't help but chuckle a little bit.

"Besides," the fish continued, looking away and shrugging lightly. "I don't know if I could stand Nana without you around." He sighed, a stubborn frown crossing his lips. "…You mean a lot more to us, to _me_, than you think you do."

The brunette sniffed obnoxiously, his eyes finally dry. "… Do _you_ love me unconditionally, Husky?" he inquired in nothing more than a whisper, almost afraid to hear the answer. He heart skipped when the prince's face distorted in surprise and turned a very deep red.

"Well, I-.. I mean.. Sure, I suppose… A little.. Maybe…" Husky grumbled under his breath, dropping his head and looking around nervously so as to try and hide himself. He took this moment to suddenly realize he was still straddling the other male. He flew back into more of a sitting position and scrambled to move off him. "Well, if you're convinced, then we should probably go back to bed now, haha…"

He had just set his feet on the floor when Cooro caught his wrist. He refused to look back; he still had too much pride to look someone in the face when he was so flustered.

"Husky…" the tanned male mumbled, gently pulling the fish down towards him on the mattress. Something in his chest wiggled happily when he didn't have to force the other boy to move closer. Not wanting to lose such an opportune moment, Cooro quickly leaned up on his elbows, turned Husky's head, and pushed their foreheads together. They sat that way for what felt like a silent, peaceful eternity; both their eyes were closed and they were just basking in the comfort and emotion radiating off each other's skin. Husky couldn't help but sigh a little in contentment; he didn't know it was possible to feel so at peace, especially after what he'd just coaxed Cooro out of doing for a second time.

"Thank you," said crow finally mumbled. He leaned back far enough to brush their noses together for only a moment, then proceeded to move back in and catch the other boy's lips in a hesitant and gentle embrace.

Husky didn't have more than two or three seconds to recognize what had just taken place between them, and when Cooro pulled away it was fast and his face was crossed with concern and maybe even a hint of regret. The fish bit his lip, embarrassment from both being kissed and having the other boy pull away so frantically causing his cheeks to flare. He looked away.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, if I wasn't.. what you were expecting or something…" he mumbled, sitting back up on the edge of the bed. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, letting his face betray all of the gloom he felt at being so rejected by his friend. He felt Cooro shift, but he kept his face turned away.

"No no.. I'm sorry, that was just sort of a knee-jerk reaction," Cooro confessed, scooting to rest his back against the headboard. Husky blinked, and looked over at the crow in confusion. Cooro smiled a sort of sad smile and played with his thumbnails again. "It's just… The last time I kissed a boy, I was at the church, and the Mother Superior hit me with a paddle so long I couldn't sit the next day."

Husky felt most of the tension in his chest release; Cooro's reaction was completely unrelated to him, then. But he still frowned.

"What kind of bitch would do that to a child?" he growled, turning back around to sit cross-legged on the sheets. "All for giving a kiss to another boy?"

Cooro smiled more genuinely at Husky's anger, and even felt his mood brighten. "The Bible says that boys kissing boys is a sin. Boys are only supposed to kiss girls." He shrugged at Husky, letting some confusion crossing his face. "But… If God said that it's a sin, why would he make me keep wanting to kiss you?"

The fish's face flared again, unprepared for such a confession. Part of him couldn't believe it; Cooro really felt that way about him?

In one swift movement, without really knowing exactly what he was doing, Husky practically crawled over Cooro, grabbed the back of his head, and mashed their lips together. The other boy was shocked initially, as one could expect, but it didn't take long for him to wrap his arms around Husky's back and welcome it.

Their lips moved and molded with each other in a soothing rhythm; it wasn't demanding and heated, but it wasn't shy and hesitant. It was comfortable, reassuring, and it told Cooro everything he needed to know about Husky's emotions for him to be sure he would never desire his mother's love to such an extent again.

After all, why would he need the love of a woman he'd never knew, and would _never_ know, when he could have the love of a boy he's grown to love, and who's grown to love him just as much?

When they finally pulled away, Husky had a stubborn frown on his face.

"Well, I don't believe in God. His rules don't apply."

Cooro giggled, and pulled the teen comfortably into his chest.

When the two finally drifted off to sleep, neither was cursed with past horrors haunting their dreams. Instead, they had the best night's sleep they'd had since they left the research facility all those years ago.

And Cooro hasn't thought about trying to chase his mother's spirit since.


End file.
